Photo by Joe Shlabotnik

Everybody has their own way of seeing the world, their own behaviors and beliefs.  There are a lot of conflicts that arise out of this and at the core of the conflict is the belief that whatever ideals we hold are the “right” ones.  I would say that one of my own beliefs is that there is no “right” belief, there is no objective moral truth.  Of course this creates somewhat of a paradox since this would also negate my own claim, but I will explain it nonetheless.

If we can look at the world and everyone in it through the lens of knowing that there is no objective meaning to be sought, a very different picture emerges.  Without the meaning, all of our attitudes, personalities, and ideals become completely arbitrary.  We can see them as a result of environments and biological proclivities.  Whether I am an extremist Christian or an atheist, an environmentalist or an industrialist.  All of these balances have no pull to either end.  I might as well be any of them.  I think that this is somewhat of an inevitability with human beings.  There are so many of us that everyone will never think the same way.  We take on these roles to play because without them, the stage becomes lifeless.  The roles make our lives interesting, even give the semblance of meaning, and provide us with comfort.

We need everyone else to play the roles as well, that’s the only way it all works.  What point is there to protest for peace in the absence of war.  We all need each other, even our enemies, to give us the chance to live our roles.  I need the murderer to show me fear, hate and anger just as I need a beautiful woman to show me lust, love, and happiness.  It is easy to marginalize the negative things simply because it would be more convenient, but they’re all part of the game.

Maybe you don’t agree with me, but that’s okay.  Even to think about this picture in a hypothetical sense offers some curiosity.  To imagine the whole world, with all its plights and delights as just a whole lot of people pretending in order to escape the meaninglessness.  It lends some sort of appreciation to even those we despise, if only for a moment before we cast it aside.  You then get reminded that this is my role, to show what I think, to convince you as we all try to convince one another.  But that’s what makes it all so interesting.

Photo by Jennifer Phoon

It seems the theme of hypocrisy is still present in my head.  This time, as applied to religious beliefs.  There are many different faiths and belief systems out there, each with their own following.  I’m not talking about any hypocrisy within these beliefs.  I mean the hypocrisy that is present in how people tolerate other views.  Most people are fine with talking about other beliefs and criticizing them, but not all are comfortable when their own beliefs are criticized.

It should be understood by people of religious faith that what they believe in as a path for answers.  Being this, they should know that there are multiple paths available.  Since there are multiple paths available, criticism of the different systems is inevitable.  But some who are  strong believers in their faith are unable to accept any criticism or even agree that their system is one among many.

The type of thinking that allows one to criticize the religions of others, but get offended when their own religion is questioned is hypocritical.  This is the same type of thinking that has caused so much conflict between the Middle East and the Western world.  Many people are quick to assume that it is a fundamental flaw in Islam that causes Muslims to be violent, but this is not the case.  Any strong believers of their own faith would react the same way to “offenses.”  If Christianity did not already dominate world, and was in a minority state as Islam is, Christians might react the same way.  The problem occurs when the followers believe that their faith is the only truth and that it is the only truth for everyone.

The absence of this problem would mean a world where religious issues could be discussed without inflaming any particular group.  People would be able to speak and act openly without the danger of offending anyone.  At the very least, the same people who get offended should be respectful and tolerant of other religious beliefs.  But this also does not exist.  Tolerance is preached universally, but the key is practice it unconditionally, not in a way that conforms to already our existing beliefs.

Photo by Philipp Klinger

The rules and ideals we hold to be true for ourselves and the ones we seek to impose on others must mirror one another.  To do otherwise is hypocrisy.  To expect a certain treatment while we treat others differently is hypocrisy.  When this imbalance exists, the reactions we have to rules and ideals are meaningless.  A rule that is not applied to oneself and others in the same fashion ceases to be a viable rule.

To make my point more clear, I offer the following example.  In my classroom building, the elevators are always quite busy.  As the doors are closing, more people will often run up and open the doors to get inside.  At other times, when I have been inside the elevator when this happens, I notice people grumbling about the delay this causes.  This is so common that now, when a person comes in at the last minute, they will apologize as they enter.  This is baffling to me.  Why would a person find it necessary to apologize for exercising the right that they have to use the elevator?  I asked this person why they apologized, and they told me that it was because people have complained in the past.  I have been using these elevators for over 2 years, and I know that most people have rushed in at the last minute at some point in the course of their schooling here.  The same people who complain about late comers have most likely been in the same situation themselves.

Why complain about someone else doing a thing that we ourselves will do in the same situation?  These hypocritical complainers must view their actions as being excusable because it serves their own interest.  But the actions of the other person are not excusable, because it hinders their own interests.  This practice of taking whatever actions benefit ourselves most creates countless inconsistencies.  To me it is ridiculous to expect to be treated differently than how we treat others.  If everyone were to live in this way, society would cease to function.  This same sort of thinking applies to many other everyday situations.  Cutting people off in traffic and getting angry when cut off.  Taking to long in a line and complaining of others who do the same.  Why can we not think that maybe they are in the same situation we were in when we did the same?

We cannot elevate ourselves above everyone else in how we apply our principles.  If we live by ideals meant to rule only ourselves, then they are not ideals at all, but simply living in a self-serving manner.  If we can notice and eliminate these hypocrisies, a lot of everyday annoyances and frustrations might be eliminated.  Treating others as we expect to be treated.  This lesson is taught since kindergarten, and yet it is one that is not remembered.  I think it’s time to re-apply it.

Photo by Mr. Kris

Every relationship that we cultivate has it’s own dynamic.  We do not behave exactly the same with everyone, and the greatest difference that can be observed is in our “romantic” relationships.  For some reason, we treat our lovers differently than our friends, we have different expectations of them.  Perhaps, this is partly because of what we’re taught by our surroundings, from seeing others do the same.  But it is also partly because we are more doubtful with our partners, as we have more to lose.

It is because we open ourselves to them much more and are fearful of this feeling not being reciprocated.  Maybe it’s because of this fear that we hold them to a higher standard.  Maybe it is because of this fear that we demand so much more from them in order to believe that they truly care about us.  When a relationship is in this dynamic, there is no real trust and there is no real giving.

If we are insecure of our love being reciprocated, then there is no real trust in the other person.  If we are able to absolutely believe in their expression of love, then we would not have any fear of not being loved.  Without this fear, we would not be as sensitive to their actions when they do not align with our expectations.  With this belief would also come a relinquishing of our expectations, because we might realize that we can still be loved without someone following what we expect them to do.

We must also look to see if our actions are motivated by an attempt to meet expectations.  Our actions must only be those that we truly want to do, not what we think we should do and not what we want reciprocated.  If we give our time and effort in this manner, it becomes something different, true giving does not come with an expectation of receiving.  Only if we can give without any expectations of reciprocation can we free our partner from us.  Expectations can become a limitation on whoever we love, and their expectations on us.  A relationship where both people are acting in this way is a false image, because neither person is acting according to their own wants.  The more this becomes so, the more the relationship will decay, as the real people inside grow farther apart.

The unlearning we have to do in order to achieve a state of no expectations might be an arduous task, but the chance of having an honest and freeing relationship is a great enough motivator to take on the task.

Photo by d3l

What we wear on the outside, what we decorate our bodies with, inevitably causes assumptions to be made by others about who we are. What started with a necessity to protect ourselves from the elements has evolved into an art form. From what I have been able to observe around me, I have separated the way people view clothes into two main categories. Aesthetic wearers and niche wearers.

Aesthetic wearers are those who choose the clothes they wear based on what they find visually appealing. They are for the most part not limited by any particular style. They wear anything and everything that they think will look good on them. This may sometimes be inhibited due to social acceptability but anything allowable by law is fair game. This group includes those who wear clothes more for functionality than for appearance, because to them, function is beauty.

Niche wearers, as I call them, are those who decide what to wear based on what group of people they choose to associate themselves with. They choose clothes based on what characteristics they want others to perceive in them. The Emo look is an excellent example. Here, members of the group choose to wear similar clothing to show to the rest of the world their membership. The niche wearers are not limited to those who want to show group membership. This includes people who want status, style, sexiness, or any quality that they are consciously choosing to exemplify. The popped collar wearer is a prime example. Never has there been such a blatant indicator to the world that this person is purposely seeking to be viewed as “cool.” The niche wearers will consistently choose to follow their desire for certain qualities over comfort, quality, sometimes even price.

The way I have constructed it is a little too simplistic. In reality, no one is perfectly one or the other. Everyone has a different balance of the two. This is because we already have preconceptions about what looks good, and they are based on seeing others. So the aesthetic wearer cannot be completely original, and the niche wearer will not choose to wear something completely ugly. But for the most part, elements of both these ideologies are visible in the style choices of the people around us. The actual possibilities in appearance are not exactly infinite in reality, so it is very much possible to see a niche wearer and aesthetic wearer in the same exact outfit, but what differs is the motivation. I believe everything a person puts forth to others can indicate something of their personality, and clothes are no exception. So next time you find yourself in a social situation, see if being an aesthetic or niche wearer has any bearing on the way a person interacts with you. I would be very interested to learn of your experience.

Photo by hr.icio

One of the core beliefs that every person holds, whether they are aware of it or not, concerns a basic fact about human nature.  This belief will either be that human beings are self-interested and individualistic, or that we care about others by nature and not just ourselves.  Which side a person chooses will largely be determined by their experiences and upbringing.  The person who has been affected most by the selfishness of others or is selfish themselves, will choose to justify their behavior by claiming that humans are selfish by nature.  The person who has always been treated kindly and favorably by others will believe that human beings are good and caring of others by nature.

I am defining self-interested/selfish as prioritizing one’s own benefit above that of everyone else, even if it means breaking rules that they have set forth for themselves.  A caring person would be one that thinks of how their actions might negatively affect other people and follows their own rules even to their detriment.

I am more inclined to thing that more people are self-interested, but I don’t think this is a characteristic of humans as a species.  I think this is a learned behavior, something that can be changed, something that is not inherent in us.  There are people who do care about others genuinely, and there are people that don’t.  It is wrong to make an assumption about our race as a whole in order to justify one’s own behavior.  I am not claiming one view to be better than another, that’s a much deeper question of whether there are a set of morals to be followed.  What I’m more concerned about are the people that choose to represent themselves as something they are not.  Most people who are selfish will not want others to see it.  Some of them don’t see it themselves.  But if a person is unwilling to be honest about this belief with the people around them, or to themselves, then there is obviously some sort of conflict in their minds.

If we choose to hide something, then we are admitting to ourselves that it is an undesirable trait.  If we know that we are acting undesirably, then why keep doing it?  The true self-centered person will not choose to masquerade as a a caring member of society for the benefit of others.  So before we can even begin discussing whether it is right to be self-interested or caring of others, we have to first be honest about what we truly believe.  If people are trying to be perceived as caring and act selfishly, then they must choose which one they really agree with.  Most of the time, it is this way because they would like to have the benefit and convenience of being self-interested with the benefit of being viewed as caring.  To me this is an inconsistent behavior.  One of the first steps to becoming aware of who we are is to solve these inconsistencies in our ideals or beliefs about ourselves and the world.  An inconsistent person is one who will always be clueless about who they really are.

Photo by Chris Owens

Often times, when we try to find the source of our inhibitions, it turns out that we are the ones limiting ourselves. Any perception of the world around us that we use in evaluating whether we should do something resides in our own mind. I’m extrapolating from myself here so I would be interested to know if anyone else has noticed this in themselves.

For example, if you wanted to wear tie-dye shirts but thought that they were not fashionable enough or that you would get made fun of. You probably wouldn’t wear them, but you would also probably single out those that do. You point out others wearing tie-dye as being unfashionable because that’s the perception that exists in your head, created by you. You are assuming that this is how the world is. So in reality, it’s your own assumption that is stopping you from wearing tie-dye shirts. By making fun of that other person, we are really just reinforcing our own ideas even more. As we try to limit someone else, we end up limiting ourselves.

Because of this process, we become our own inhibitors. When you’re afraid of getting made fun of, you’re really afraid of the part of you that makes fun of others for doing the same thing. Maybe in reality, others won’t care, maybe they don’t have the same perceptions as you. By letting others be free to do as they wish and not trying to box them into our preconceptions of the world, we can start to free ourselves as well. When the part of you that criticizes others fades away, then you will no longer have any fear of doing the things that you want to do. This lets others live without your criticism and leaves you happier.