Live and Let Live
Posted on 04. Oct, 2009 by Ruda in Relationships
Photo by Chris Owens
Often times, when we try to find the source of our inhibitions, it turns out that we are the ones limiting ourselves. Any perception of the world around us that we use in evaluating whether we should do something resides in our own mind. I’m extrapolating from myself here so I would be interested to know if anyone else has noticed this in themselves.
For example, if you wanted to wear tie-dye shirts but thought that they were not fashionable enough or that you would get made fun of. You probably wouldn’t wear them, but you would also probably single out those that do. You point out others wearing tie-dye as being unfashionable because that’s the perception that exists in your head, created by you. You are assuming that this is how the world is. So in reality, it’s your own assumption that is stopping you from wearing tie-dye shirts. By making fun of that other person, we are really just reinforcing our own ideas even more. As we try to limit someone else, we end up limiting ourselves.
Because of this process, we become our own inhibitors. When you’re afraid of getting made fun of, you’re really afraid of the part of you that makes fun of others for doing the same thing. Maybe in reality, others won’t care, maybe they don’t have the same perceptions as you. By letting others be free to do as they wish and not trying to box them into our preconceptions of the world, we can start to free ourselves as well. When the part of you that criticizes others fades away, then you will no longer have any fear of doing the things that you want to do. This lets others live without your criticism and leaves you happier.
Hello! I suppose you couldn't resist trying to catch a glimpse of the person writing all this nonsense. If you want to learn more about me, check out the "About Me" page. Self-explanatory I guess.
Feather
Oct 4th, 2009
Nice article and I totally agree with you, conceptually… but to me, egoism is often an act out of selfishness. Specially in today’s world, it’s hard to ignore the traditions and the society. E.g. if you were wearing a tie-dye shirt for my wedding because you felt like. Then your happiness is built upon my sadness since I care about the tradition of respect.
Well, I still believe that people will start to let go all the constrains, but it needs more time to accomplish.
Ruda
Oct 4th, 2009
Thank you Feather. Part of my belief is that we should try to free ourselves from these traditions in society that you speak of. I don’t see why a man in a tie-dye shirt could cause such sadness on a wedding day that is meant to be about you and your partner’s union, not the dress code of your guests. Do you see how these traditions can cause you pain in situations like this?
Feather
Oct 4th, 2009
well, wedding is a ceremony, public event, therefore it’s not just personal. Formal attire is part of this ceremony and it shows respect to the bride and groom. traditions are still generally accepted by the public including my wife, parents, grandparents, parents in law..etc~ so even if I don’t care, they will still feel bad seeing one of my friends disrespects my wedding. I guess what I’m trying to say is that what is generally accepted is right, there is no reason to oppose it even if it might be wrong. If it is wrong, it will be corrected eventually through generations.
Ruda
Oct 4th, 2009
The supposed disrespect only arises because you hold me to an expectation. You said that there is no reason to oppose it even if it might be wrong because it will be corrected through generations. But why wait generations to fix something that we can fix right now?
Feather
Oct 4th, 2009
I think we are simply part of the fixing process, but we are not the ones who can fix it. people who grew up with traditions will always carry those traditions. Only new generation or newborns are able to start fresh.
Julie
Oct 19th, 2009
Hi, Ruda. You have quite an engaging view of personal integrity, and I applaud you. I’ve read several of your posts and see that you are writing the tip of the iceberg. There’s far more reasoning that is bubbling just beneath the surface.
I’m popping in here with my two cents. Well, perhaps ten cents, because I’m always wordy!
- There is no right or wrong.
- It’s good to respect another’s wishes, especially if there’s no hardship to oneself.
- Change can only happen within each individual’s heart.
- Opportunity for change occurs every instant of every day, with every breath we take, with every heartbeat.
- We can start anew each moment of life.
- We all are responsible, not “the other.” To say otherwise is an abdication of the very nature of life.
- Love should be our primary focus in all the activities of life. Seeking it, feeling it, sharing it, offering it, being grateful for it. From this position, all tensions dissolve, more goodness grows.
And, if I may…? As for the wedding discussion, if a bride and groom feel entrenched in tradition, it’s a loving act for a guest to honor that tradition. If a bride and groom put more emphasis on the true nature of love, however, then a guest’s clothing won’t matter.
Ruda
Oct 20th, 2009
Thank you for your comment Julie,
I completely agree with you with respect to the bride and groom not caring if they truly loved each other.
You’re welcome to pop in with as many cents as you want any time, haha