Limitless Love
Posted on 16. Nov, 2009 by Ruda in Relationships
Photo by Mr. Kris
Every relationship that we cultivate has it’s own dynamic. We do not behave exactly the same with everyone, and the greatest difference that can be observed is in our “romantic” relationships. For some reason, we treat our lovers differently than our friends, we have different expectations of them. Perhaps, this is partly because of what we’re taught by our surroundings, from seeing others do the same. But it is also partly because we are more doubtful with our partners, as we have more to lose.
It is because we open ourselves to them much more and are fearful of this feeling not being reciprocated. Maybe it’s because of this fear that we hold them to a higher standard. Maybe it is because of this fear that we demand so much more from them in order to believe that they truly care about us. When a relationship is in this dynamic, there is no real trust and there is no real giving.
If we are insecure of our love being reciprocated, then there is no real trust in the other person. If we are able to absolutely believe in their expression of love, then we would not have any fear of not being loved. Without this fear, we would not be as sensitive to their actions when they do not align with our expectations. With this belief would also come a relinquishing of our expectations, because we might realize that we can still be loved without someone following what we expect them to do.
We must also look to see if our actions are motivated by an attempt to meet expectations. Our actions must only be those that we truly want to do, not what we think we should do and not what we want reciprocated. If we give our time and effort in this manner, it becomes something different, true giving does not come with an expectation of receiving. Only if we can give without any expectations of reciprocation can we free our partner from us. Expectations can become a limitation on whoever we love, and their expectations on us. A relationship where both people are acting in this way is a false image, because neither person is acting according to their own wants. The more this becomes so, the more the relationship will decay, as the real people inside grow farther apart.
The unlearning we have to do in order to achieve a state of no expectations might be an arduous task, but the chance of having an honest and freeing relationship is a great enough motivator to take on the task.
Hello! I suppose you couldn't resist trying to catch a glimpse of the person writing all this nonsense. If you want to learn more about me, check out the "About Me" page. Self-explanatory I guess.
Adriane
Nov 16th, 2009
Lovely path you tread through this subject. As always, your shared introspections imbue me with respect for the acuity with which you are able to observe and translate human nature.
Relationships are interesting things… they exist to cultivate how we relate to others and perhaps even more so how we relate to ourselves. I think once we unravel who we are, we can become constant in every part of our lives, in all of our relationships. It’s not to say that we can’t relax more with friends or lovers, or be more formal with our employers or in a professional setting, yet still maintaining a constant in regard to the core of who we are.
I would like to think that we treat our loved ones (which include those with whom we would have romantic relationships) differently because we cherish them; not out of fear or obligation, but because seeing another’s joy makes our soul soar and shine.
I know this is perhaps not the most common demeanor, but it certainly is what I aspire to. :^) And let me add that it has taken a very long time (and many relationships) to reach this point of… surrender.
Namasté,
Adriane